Character Interview: Lorelei Preston

Lorelei was late to our interview even though I checked, and rechecked the specific time a dozen times. After countless text messages,
directions and missed meetings. The interview finally took place. It’s a funny thing to actually meet your character face to face (so to speak). For a long time I lived inside Lorelei’s head while I wrote down her story. She arrived on her bike, wearing her signature denim shorts, knee high boots and a tank top. She didn’t smile when I extended my hand.

Me: “Hi Miss Preston, I’m so happy to finally meet you.”
Her: “Right can we move this bitch along; I have real shit to do today.”
Me: “Yes, of course…so Miss Preston-“
Her: “Lo, call me Lo, I’m not eighty.”
Me: “Okay sorry, Lo...”

A long pause stretches between us. She’s tapping her foot anxiously and I can’t help but wonder why I made her so utterly bitchy. Even to me her creator she’s snarky, it kind of sucks.

Me: “Right so, what can you tell me about yourself?”
Her: After a snort and snide smile she says….”I’m impatient, about as cuddly as a porcupine, and I don’t do relationships.”
Me: “Aren’t you currently in a relationship?”
Her: Smile disappears. “Depends on who you ask, I say we have an understanding, he thinks like an ape-man and therefore thinks he owns me.”
Me: “What would you like the readers to know?”
Her: “I’m not nearly as bitchy as you make me look.”
Me: “Right.”
Her: “I’m not, I just don’t like bullshit.”
Me: “Uh huh.”
Her: “People are idiots, they lie, they cheat, they all play this polite bullshit game and no one says what they really think or feel. I think they should, in fact I’m an advocate of STBS.”
Me: “STBS?”
Her: “Stop. The. Bull. Shit.”
Me: “And that makes you less bitchy somehow?”
Her: She narrows her eyes and sits forward. “You are absolutely right.” She sits back flopping in the chair and sighs. “I really am an asshole.”
Me: I nod along with her realization.
Her: “I guess I’m just as oblivious as everyone else.” She looks a little sick to her stomach.
Me: “No one’s perfect.”
Her: Snort. “Nope, I hear your cousin found 18 mistakes in the book.”
Me: “Right.” Now I feel sick.

Lorelei gets up from her chair, a smile firmly pulling at her lips.

Her: “Well I gotta get, I’m sure we’ll uh…be hearing from each other.” She turns on her heel and exits.

I have no words to say before she’s gone. The interview’s over before it ever even started.